How to Deal with a Narcissistic Ex-Spouse During Divorce
“A narcissist’s criticism is their autobiography.”
The best way to divorce a narcissist is not to marry one. But life is not always that good. A divorce proceeding is never easy, but handling a divorce with a narcissistic is much more complicated. When talking about divorcing a person with this disorder, it is crucial to define the term correctly. People often use it for those who were not raised well. This personality disorder can often be associated with other disorders such as borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, psychopathy, and others.
These characteristics are peculiar for narcissists:
• Overblown sense of egoism;
• Awaiting admiration from others;
• Belief in one's superiority (also called, superiority complex);
• Obsession of own appearance;
• Tendency to dominate in any talk;
• Expectation of special treatment and compliance with demands;
• Exploitation of people to achieve one's goals;
• Inability to attend to the needs and feelings of others;
• Belief that others envy oneself;
• Difficulty accepting criticism;
• Being easily offended;
• Problems coping with stress and change;
• Mood swings and frequent, passing episodes of depression.
These traits will always lead to dysfunctional relationships and, hence, divorces. Narcissistic personality has problems at work, and in social romantic relationships. Being unhappy, narcissists often attempt to “punish” familiar people, particularly those whom they perceive as mistreating them.
The following infographic summarizes the steps involved in divorcing a narcissist:
The following article will describe tips and strategies on how to get through a divorce with a narcissist.
Find a Therapist
Find a therapist competent in dealing with divorce problems to aid you in coping with things happening during breakup proceedings. It is invariably emotionally exhausting. Divorcing a narcissist is more challenging than living with this kind of person. To understand your ex’s behavior and cope with your emotional turbulence, develop support by going into therapy.
People struggle to reach serious decisions dealing with divorce under stressful life conditions. A professional can help you stay determined and carry out your intended choices, indifferent to your emotional condition.
Seek legal representation
Be prepared in advance. Check for residency requirements for divorce in a particular state, and browse for it online, for example, “Florida residency requirements for divorce”.
Even in issues that might seem trivial or inconsequential that can be settled out of court, narcissists are prone to engage in lawsuits. Divorcing a narcissist, you would need an experienced narcissist divorce tactics lawyer who will not respond to every demand or accusation made by the narcissist. Legal help is needed especially in contested divorces.
In cases of a divorce involving a narcissistic ex, it is not uncommon for them to assert a sense of entitlement over shared assets acquired during the marriage. To avoid prolonged legal battles that may result in significant expenses, it is advisable to seek the services of a lawyer competent in handling such cases. It bears mentioning that some narcissistic spouses may engage in delay tactics, resulting in increased legal costs, as a way of expressing their resentment.
Keeping records is essential
Every narcissistic person is different; yet, all narcissists manipulate and lie, Therefore, it is advisable to maintain a record of every detail. Then divorcing a narcissist, it is not uncommon to encounter falsehoods, misrepresentations, or outrageous accusations. For example, they may make claims regarding childcare responsibilities that are untrue or manipulate shared finances to suit their narrative. Therefore, documenting all financial transactions, incidents of abuse, or violations of court orders is crucial.
Keeping track of records such as text messages and phone calls can help expose the truth and counter the narcissist's claims. Challenging their credibility by highlighting inconsistencies in their story is an essential part of defending oneself against a narcissistic ex-spouse
Communication with your ex
If your former partner has a past marked by violent and abusive behavior, it is advisable to limit face-to-face communication with him or her and instead opt for legal representation as a mediator. Assembling a support team of professionals, family, and friends will help you stay composed while going through the divorce proceedings.
Having someone to lean on will be essential to getting through the divorce. When your former partner may spread falsehoods and make hurtful accusations about your parenting, money management, and other conduct. False accusations are often the very things that your ex does badly and tries to project onto you. You should have a supportive person in place, a close friend or relative.
Set boundaries and stick to them
In an ideal scenario, you will eliminate any conversation with your ex — but even after a divorce, that is almost impossible. An unhealthy relationship, like every bad habit, can revert to an unhealthy state. When interacting with a former partner, who may attempt to manipulate you, it's important to prioritize your happiness. One way to do this is to limit communication with them as far as possible and only engage in essential conversations, such as discussing matters related to your children (if you have them) and any loose ends to tie up at the court.
Contacting a narcissistic individual can be less confrontational if done via phone. To minimize unnecessary conflict and provide an opportunity for the ex to compose their response, it is advisable to draft emails or text messages when contacting them. Reacting emotionally or aggressively to any upsetting remarks or accusations made by the individual may only aggravate the situation. Instead, trying to relax, and responding calmly and respectfully can help diffuse the tension and facilitate better communication.
Establishing boundaries is crucial when dealing with a person with narcissistic disorder. Nonetheless, it is crucial to establish and maintain clear boundaries with determination and consistency., as they may have little regard for rules or authority unless it benefits them. If minor breaches of boundaries happen without your reaction, the narcissist may continue to push further, disregarding the needs and rights of others. Therefore, it is essential not to give in to their demands and to maintain clear boundaries.
How to co-parent with a narcissist
Co-parenting with a narcissistic ex-partner can be an incredibly challenging and stressful experience. Unlike in cases without children, where the end of the relationship can mean a complete break from the narcissist when children are in the picture, the relationship with the narcissist continues for years.
It's important to recognize that the narcissist's manners are not likely to be changed, and trying to reason with them or convince them of what is optimal for the children may prove futile, as they lack empathy and may view their children as property. In some cases, the narcissistic parent may attempt to detach the second parent from the children, blaming them for the divorce or using the children as a means to an end, rather than promoting fine relationships with both parents.
Given the challenges associated with co-parenting with a person with a mental disorder, a parallel parenting plan may be a useful approach to think about. This approach involves establishing clear and distinct parenting responsibilities and boundaries, with minimal communication between parents to minimize conflict and ensure the children's mental health and happiness.
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